This is how I feel most of the time.

Except the Beast should feel lucky. Because he has plently of hair, while i have to deal with the high daily precipitation of hair, which depresses me to no end.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, Guess I’ll go and eat some worms, Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones, Itsy, bitsy, slimy wimy worms.

We have our Service Learning (SL) trip coming up soon (on Tuesday actually), where we have to serve and learn, bascially.
We go to places overseas where we can help out, like old folks' homes, orphanges and the like. Our class is going to Hanoi, Vietnam, which I've actually been to, and I wanted to go to Cambodia instead, as I've heard it's really cool and I haven't been there before.....but anyway, it doesn't really matter where we go, the point is to have a really fulfilling experience, and to make the most of the trip in doing as much as we can, and also taking back with us memories and learning valuable lessons.

Anyway, to keep things as organised as possible, as teachers like to be, and to stretch our 'leadership potential', we have been assigned roles. eg. in charge of luggage, social interaction, gifts and whatnot to prepare us for the trip and during the trip, too.
Anyway, it was one of those things where you have to volunteer for a position yourself, and only those really enthusiastic and not self-conscious actually 'turn themselves in', while the rest of us all sit around trying to be invisible.
So, I am one of these invisibility cloak fans, so i didn't say anything, while strategically planning in my head which role i would volunteer for without looking too crazy about it (bad impression on classmates), nor looking too reluctant (bad impression on teachers), and who i would do it with, and how to get the timing just right....
when, mr Cheong, my form teacher, who was grinning psychotically.....ok, not really, but in a somewhat mwahahaheeheeheehehehehmeehee sort of way, pointed at me and my friend who i sit with in class to the other teacher who was keying in the names into the computer, and i ended up in charge of welfare........and she became........a mother hen. That's right, a mother hen.

So all my plans and dreams of becoming this, this, and this, with her, her and her instantaneously came crashing down. Instead, I have to run around everywhere with a First Aid kit and looking after other people, when I dont even know how to look after myself.

And guess what, after he had sabotaged us, Mr Cheong tried to give a reason for his doings, saying that our side of the room (by that he meant the two of us) was very quiet and he wanted us to step out of our comfort zones.....Well.
I think he was just picking on us really.....because there were so many other people pretending to be scarecrows.

I know when i'm not liked......guess I'm going to eat some worms.

I'm not actually 14

14 is after 13, which is after 12, which is after 11, which happens to be after 10, and that comes after 9, and after 9 is 8, and subsequently 7, which comes before 6, which is after 5, and just before 5 is 4, and just 365 days before that is 3, which is just as good as 2, and 2 is after 1, which is after 0, and before that is 9 months in your mum's tum.

and as you can see from the above statement, I'm practically a new born, so in actual fact....i'm not actually 14, just because I've had 14 anniversaries of the day on which I was born.

I plan to remain a new born for as long as possible.

(In case you haven't realised by now, today is my birthday)

Cry

Recently, a friend and I had a falling-out on a rather large-scale, and so we didn't speak for a whole week. I was honestly convinced that she never wanted to talk to me ever again and all....
Anyway, so in the end, long long story short, she called me one day and then we were all talking and explaining and stuff.......which eventually led to crying.........
yeah anyway, after all that, I just felt like there was a huge weight just lifted off my chest. and i knew, the friend wasn't gone after all, she'd been there the whole time.

Sometimes, It's OK to cry. rather than bottling it all up inside, if you let it out, you just might feel better.

I'm not alone

I realise that out of my 13 followers, only 1 actually reads my blog.........
which is kind of depressing
but thank you, one and only (you know who you are), I will continue to blog because of my ever faithful fan base.

WHY CAN"T YOU HEAR ME???

I am practically shoving it down your throat, and rubbing it all over in your face, but you just don't get it, do you?

luff....or fluff?

I don't really like Valentine's Day very much.
just a bunch of mush and propaganda and a market strategy to sell chocolates, and an advocate for materialism and an 'excuse' for some people to miss basketball practice just to go out with their you-know-whats, among other things. After all, why do you need a day to remind you to love your, say, spouse, while the other 364 days of the year you can't care less?

Anyway, in our school, blah blah blah Girls' School, the non-existence of boys is prevalent, and therefore, Valentine's Day becomes a weird cross between Friendship Day, and an event for overly expressing appreciation for others.
So I watch, somewhat aghastly and disgustedly as other people exchange notes full of 'passionate' words and repeatedly demonstrate how to hug.
call me apathetic and a miserable grump, but i wonder, if any of this is real. Or is it just fluff. Most likely after secondary school, you'll lose her number; forget what her voice sounds like; misplace your memories of the Valentine's Days of yesteryear.

but when someone gives me a nice friendship card, suddenly i decide.....ah well, on second thoughts.....maybe i'll give all this valentines stuff a chance. You know, just maybe.

Nostalgia

No sweat, chicken feet, haha, all the way

Recently I rediscovered the joys of reading, after taking a prolonged break, because the business of school ensured that I had no time to, and then i just lost interest. So one day I was bored I decided to try reading again.
I suppose you could say I was addicted.

Anyway, the point is, I was so engrossed in reading this book of mine, while I was eating dinner. I wasn't paying the slightest attention to what I was eating and was just wolfing it down, and feeling like I was devouring the words, rather than the food.
I decided to take a little break just before the exciting part (i like doing that to catch my breath and collect my thoughts before diving head-first into the drama).
I looked up, and the first thing I saw was a chicken foot settled in the middle of my soup.

Slimy, bumpy skin, drenched in the soup that i had unwittingly been drinking.........
My stomach lurched and could literally feel the bile rising in my throat, so i immediately ran to the living room, and lay on the sofa to calm down. I desperately attempted to erase the images from my mind, and forget the fact that i had been drinking the soup that the feet had been sitting in. All hopes of continuing my enjoyable evening of reading were doused instantly. i then refused to eat any more of my dinner until someone removed the offensive article.

call me irrational, over-reacting......but i was quite certain i'd have nightmares.

Wake-up call

I was incredibly bored on the bus, so I let my eyes stray and I found myself staring at the iPhone screen of the woman in front of me. Yes, I know it was a bad thing to do....but i'm glad i did.

Anyway, she was on Facebook (which I DO NOT support) or something and was reading a post that said: God, You are worthy to be praised.

And it was kind of like a wake-up call, because I hadn't thought about God or anything at all that week, and I realised how busy I had been, that God had been pushed right out of the picture. So I'm sorry!

But I think it's true that there's no such thing as no time for God. I'm sure He hears us and listens even if it's just a short word of thanks or praise.

I think we all need to realise and remember what He's done for us......

Talking about Toes

Me: I have strange toes
*hides toes self-consciously*

Mum: they're not that bad!
And YOU don't exactly have beautiful toes either
*all defensive*

Me: WHAT??!! I was talking about MY Toes!

Mum: oh er no, you don't have strange toes...
*looking sheepish*

Me: you just said that!!!!!........?

well! GOODBYE!
*slams door in a huff*


This is the kind of thing that happens around here....

feeling so low about solos.

Today, in choir, i sang. well, yeah......its a choir, that's what you do. Except, today, I sang. Alone.
You see, in my school choir, we have this system where everyone has to sing a solo song at some point in the year, and you have to do it every year. But my level, for some reason, didn't do solos last year, so this year would be our first time ever.

It was really difficult choosing a song, and for a while, i toying with the idea of singing Le Festin (the feast) from Ratatouille - one of the best movies of all time - and then Demi Lovato...Anastatia songs...but nah, wasn't too sure about that. Then, someone suggested When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan from Toy Story II, and I listened to it and instantly knew i had to sing it.

So, there are 3 soloists every practice, and they only go on at the end of the practice, when everyone's as irritable and provoked as old women who have lost their dentures down the drain, or barbarian head hunters that haven't eaten in days........

The thing is, before you do the solo, everyone just judges you on the fact that 'you got into choir' and therefore are of some sort of standard. But after you have done the solo, they know what your individual voice sounds like, and can judge you on that, and then start comparing you to other people etc., and saying things like 'how did she get into choir?'

So, I was extremely nervous the whole practice and was dreading the end of the practice as it swiftly drew nearer and near. I was half convinced that I would be 'saved by the bell', which seems to happen to me quite a bit actually. Please let me faint, I thought, please let me faint! Naturally, I didn't.

When, I went up i was literally trembling, and i wasn't even seeing all the people sitting there. I was just thinking, just get it over and done with. What have I got to lose? (A lot, actually) and so, i sang.

All i focused on was the lyric sheet in front of me, and my shaking hands. not for one second did i look out at the people, or at the teachers, or at the floor. my eyes were just glued to the paper.
And somehow, I lived!

I went back to my seat shaking like a leaf while they cheered on the next person, and all i felt was the frenzy of my heart inside my ribcage, and it took me a whole 5 minutes to get back to normal.

I actually thought i didn't do well at all, especially since half the time my voice was either wobbly, inaudible, or sounding like a dying old man.....but i felt so good to have finished it.

Now to face the terrible gossip and snark remarks.....
hip. hip. hooray.
How I love solos.

Monster

I was walking on the way to school, and I happened to walk up behind a mother and her two tiny little primary school kids (who go to the same school as me).
When the mother sensed me walking behind them, she reached out to sort of shield her children, while bringing them to one side protectively, and said to them in a rather cautionary tone: "Careful."

since she had cleared the path, I naturally walked ahead of them, so that they would no longer feel threatened my frightening presence, and would be safely away from me, the unclean/dangerous/scary monstrous being.

I'm not that bad......am I?

O is for O levels

O levels. Everyone goes through it. (or used to, before that dreaded IP came along)

Scarily enough, I'm taking Chinese O levels next year.....when I still feel like that P6 graduate.

Anyway, my brother, recently got his results back. I had no idea what to expect. I was preparing myself for both extremes.
So when miriam told me at the bus stop....
not really how i wanted to hear it...... but anyway, i was relieved but what i mainly felt was this peacefulness and stillness inside......


I've been taking lessons from Master ShiFu.

Anyway, I'm really happy and proud for him :)
But now I have to live up to his standard.
I now believe that you can do anything.
Including graduating from Junior College and making me some pizza.

So.....
YOU ROCK, JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Atrocity

The time of year is here again.....to sing CNY songs! Yay. Well, in choir we are doing some pretty popular Chinese New Year songs to sing for the elderly, for example, 恭喜恭喜, 贺新年 etc. Anyway, we started doing 大地回春, and so many people found it extremely difficult and unfamiliar that we ended up having to take it out! WHY? i really like that song, and thought it was rather suitable to sing, with its cheeriness and all. I remember it distinctly because we would always sing it in Henry Park during CNY, unless you were P3-ish to P6, when you were usually "too cool" to sing. The point is, we were all taught the songs, and i recall, using the powerpoint slides with the fireworks background, and CNY celebrations were always festive and spirited.
Then we did a Singapore-themed song - Singapore Town. And some people had no idea what song it was!!! GASP! They had no inkling of the actions, too! Which would NOT be the case if they were Henry Parkers, because once again, in HPPS, the teachers bothered to teach us the actions and get us involved.
That's how we know our heritage and culture and be proud of our country.

Sighhh.....
how atrocious is that? do these people even know a thing about where they come from? have they no childhoods? what is this world coming to?
Tsk.

I miss you, Henry Park!!!!!!!!!!!!!